








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 290 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 104 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 74 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1132 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,568 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 939 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1159 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1321 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1149 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $870,990 of utility $215 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 424 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | QuieT... | 39% | 18 |
| #10 | -prYbe | 35% | 49 |
| #11 | Stiff_TV | 33% | 12 |
| #12 | Rambo-Ramon-Rainer | 33% | 30 |
| #13 | ✪ Lame | 31% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ fleischjunGe | 4 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | ✪ Lame | 3 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | QuieT... | 2 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | -prYbe | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | bENz ♥ you! | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Λffᴇ мɪt Waffᴇ | 118 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | ✪ fleischjunGe | 105 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | bENz ♥ you! | 95 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | -prYbe | 88 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | Rambo-Ramon-Rainer | 72 | 0.12 | 2 min |





