








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 875 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 107 matches | ||
| Premier | 87 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 186 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3932 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,619 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2667 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2237 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 3219 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2496 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,447,174 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 710 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ahogan987654321 | 65% | 20 |
| #2 | King_Porkchop | 59% | 108 |
| #3 | Nekilia | 57% | 164 |
| #4 | ahogan543 | 57% | 122 |
| #5 | Finnick | 55% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ahogan543 | 11 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | Nekilia | 9 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | King_Porkchop | 6 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | Finnick | 6 | 0.0052 |





