










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 191 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1226 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,755 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 879 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1007 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1120 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 749 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $223,570 of utility $46 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OrphanAssassin | 63% | 35 |
| #2 | kastewart09 | 57% | 65 |
| #3 | OMiniMe0 | 56% | 45 |
| #4 | jeremydrums | 52% | 46 |
| #5 | Cherbo | 51% | 174 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Soju | 50% | 14 |
| #7 | peydirt24 | 48% | 31 |
| #8 | BrennanMFHuff | 46% | 13 |
| #9 | MilkMaster | 32% | 19 |
| #10 | MasterNanos | 30% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cherbo | 7 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | jeremydrums | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | OMiniMe0 | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | MilkMaster | 2 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | kastewart09 | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cherbo | 215 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #2 | jeremydrums | 119 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | kastewart09 | 77 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | OMiniMe0 | 43 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | OrphanAssassin | 32 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MilkMaster | +4.93 | 75 | 30 |
| #2 | Soju | +2.52 | 69 | 35 |
| #3 | Cherbo | +0.78 | 44 | 43 |
| #4 | MasterNanos | +0.77 | 73 | 23 |
| #5 | jeremydrums | +0.63 | 47 | 49 |





