








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 28 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
710 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,334 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 624 | 47% |
| Smokes | 37 | 3% |
| HE Grenades | 426 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 247 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $100,693 of utility $43 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tsack | 90% | 10 |
| #2 | chøw | 57% | 53 |
| #3 | nkav | 55% | 100 |
| #4 | Amus | 54% | 24 |
| #5 | BlingBlaow (DantianDestroyer) | 44% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | nkav | 55% | 100 |
| #4 | Amus | 54% | 24 |
| #5 | BlingBlaow (DantianDestroyer) | 44% | 62 |
| #6 | ojthejuice | 41% | 27 |
| #7 | ✪Mr. DUMMA | 39% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BlingBlaow (DantianDestroyer) | 5 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | nkav | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | chøw | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | ojthejuice | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | tsack | 1 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nkav | 309 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #2 | chøw | 165 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #3 | Amus | 96 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #4 | BlingBlaow (DantianDestroyer) | 69 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | tsack | 20 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nkav | +3.98 | 80 | 61 |
| #2 | tsack | +2.62 | 66 | 62 |
| #3 | chøw | +2.32 | 50 | 56 |
| #4 | ✪Mr. DUMMA | +0.71 | 56 | 45 |
| #5 | BlingBlaow (DantianDestroyer) | +0.25 | 67 | 49 |





