








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1172 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 784 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 119 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




568 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8582 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,223 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 844 | 38% |
| Smokes | 521 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 450 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 408 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $412,398 of utility $21 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1410 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lick my paws | 53% | 75 |
| #2 | 808 crashout | 51% | 236 |
| #3 | melancholy | 44% | 238 |
| #4 | nuke sharp | 43% | 127 |
| #5 | ★Komi | 42% | 308 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lick my paws | 53% | 75 |
| #2 | 808 crashout | 51% | 236 |
| #3 | melancholy | 44% | 238 |
| #4 | nuke sharp | 43% | 127 |
| #5 | ★Komi | 42% | 308 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 808 crashout | 126 | 0.0284 |
| #2 | ★Komi | 116 | 0.0212 |
| #3 | nuke sharp | 69 | 0.0306 |
| #4 | melancholy | 64 | 0.0164 |
| #5 | lick my paws | 42 | 0.0333 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 808 crashout | 371 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #2 | nuke sharp | 195 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | ★Komi | 140 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| #4 | melancholy | 140 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | lick my paws | 78 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lick my paws | +3.00 | 50 | 30 |
| #2 | nuke sharp | +2.21 | 23 | 37 |
| #3 | melancholy | +1.60 | 59 | 14 |
| #4 | caplan (balls) | +1.47 | 57 | 12 |
| #5 | 808 crashout | +0.98 | 54 | 29 |





