








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 205 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 525 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




172 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6551 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,479 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1333 | 54% |
| Smokes | 206 | 8% |
| HE Grenades | 570 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 370 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $798,825 of utility $68 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 307 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lick my paws | 64% | 44 |
| #2 | Vassa | 48% | 52 |
| #3 | 808 crashout | 48% | 67 |
| #4 | nuke sharp | 46% | 99 |
| #5 | Rem | 46% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | 808 crashout | 48% | 67 |
| #4 | nuke sharp | 46% | 99 |
| #5 | Rem | 46% | 39 |
| #6 | caplan (balls) | 44% | 238 |
| #7 | Animal Person David Goggins | 35% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | caplan (balls) | 135 | 0.0349 |
| #2 | nuke sharp | 59 | 0.0337 |
| #3 | 808 crashout | 44 | 0.0356 |
| #4 | lick my paws | 23 | 0.0356 |
| #5 | Animal Person David Goggins | 12 | 0.0139 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vassa | 154 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #2 | nuke sharp | 130 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #3 | Animal Person David Goggins | 108 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | 808 crashout | 65 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | caplan (balls) | 57 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lick my paws | +3.22 | 55 | 33 |
| #2 | Animal Person David Goggins | +3.12 | 58 | 58 |
| #3 | nuke sharp | +2.19 | 21 | 43 |
| #4 | caplan (balls) | +1.37 | 54 | 12 |
| #5 | 808 crashout | +1.20 | 51 | 21 |





