








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 243 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 140 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




123 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2530 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,861 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1667 | 34% |
| Smokes | 804 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 1289 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1101 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $857,853 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 793 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 808 crashout | 70% | 20 |
| #2 | melancholy | 64% | 44 |
| #3 | nuke sharp | 58% | 26 |
| #4 | Marslle | 55% | 53 |
| #5 | caplan (balls) | 53% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | caplan (balls) | 49 | 0.0398 |
| #2 | 808 crashout | 15 | 0.0412 |
| #3 | melancholy | 13 | 0.0202 |
| #4 | ★Komi | 11 | 0.0154 |
| #5 | takt | 6 | 0.0102 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | takt | 54 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #2 | nuke sharp | 51 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #3 | Marslle | 31 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | Milky | 30 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | melancholy | 25 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 808 crashout | +3.75 | 73 | 24 |
| #2 | Milky | +3.34 | 83 | 40 |
| #3 | Marslle | +2.53 | 71 | 34 |
| #4 | takt | +2.02 | 61 | 34 |
| #5 | ★Komi | +1.86 | 74 | 29 |





