








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 459 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 442 matches | ||
| Premier | 155 matches | ||
| Wingman | 125 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 106 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




194 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4236 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,245 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 520 | 4% |
| Smokes | 839 | 6% |
| HE Grenades | 5142 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 7744 | 54% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,361,952 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 250 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ambassador | 49% | 73 |
| #2 | Negev | 48% | 92 |
| #3 | Akh | 45% | 515 |
| #4 | Free Daquavius | 44% | 680 |
| #5 | cricks | 38% | 323 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Free Daquavius | 1301 | 0.10 | 22 min |
| #2 | Akh | 477 | 0.05 | 10 min |
| #3 | cricks | 307 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #4 | ambassador | 175 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #5 | Negev | 137 | 0.08 | 3 min |





