








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1039 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 508 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 149 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 135 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 47 matches | ||
| Wingman | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 57 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7125 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,399 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 642 | 3% |
| Smokes | 6426 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 7468 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 4863 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,945,833 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4070 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SpuddleMe | 53% | 196 |
| #2 | ♡ Daddy Squid ♡ | 47% | 422 |
| #3 | Epic_spud | 47% | 524 |
| #4 | Kingswap | 39% | 137 |
| #5 | MaxTCB | 39% | 127 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | ♡ Daddy Squid ♡ | 47% | 422 |
| #3 | Epic_spud | 47% | 524 |
| #4 | Kingswap | 39% | 137 |
| #5 | MaxTCB | 39% | 127 |
| #6 | A Unwanted Baby | 37% | 104 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♡ Daddy Squid ♡ | 79 | 0.0093 |
| #2 | Kingswap | 34 | 0.0118 |
| #3 | MaxTCB | 34 | 0.0132 |
| #4 | Epic_spud | 16 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | SpuddleMe | 13 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♡ Daddy Squid ♡ | 973 | 0.12 | 25 min |
| #2 | Epic_spud | 504 | 0.05 | 11 min |
| #3 | SpuddleMe | 243 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #4 | MaxTCB | 220 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #5 | Kingswap | 212 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Epic_spud | +3.70 | 81 | 56 |
| #2 | SpuddleMe | +3.53 | 75 | 55 |
| #3 | MaxTCB | +2.02 | 20 | 48 |
| #4 | ♡ Daddy Squid ♡ | +0.90 | 53 | 51 |
| #5 | Kingswap | -0.31 | 48 | 29 |





