








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 189 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 94 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1430 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,551 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 688 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1193 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 851 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 819 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $378,831 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 387 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Christian Lindner | 41% | 44 |
| #12 | Cacau | 37% | 19 |
| #13 | Walther Wenck | 33% | 21 |
| #14 | Matze | 33% | 40 |
| #15 | Levin | 9% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Matthias Ginter | 11 | 0.0073 |
| #2 | Drizzy | 10 | 0.0139 |
| #3 | Hüttenhuppi | 9 | 0.0088 |
| #4 | Matze | 6 | 0.0077 |
| #5 | Christian Lindner | 5 | 0.0058 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hüttenhuppi | 250 | 0.24 | 7 min |
| #2 | Matthias Ginter | 158 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | Lalob | 141 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | Drizzy | 110 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #5 | Matze | 96 | 0.12 | 2 min |





