








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 199 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 147 matches | ||
| Wingman | 87 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2558 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,593 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3655 | 38% |
| Smokes | 2259 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2073 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1606 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $300,692 of utility $60 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 45 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | STRATBOY | 64% | 28 |
| #2 | Ardzeik | 63% | 27 |
| #3 | Meitene Zeltene | 63% | 16 |
| #4 | Bridzaa | 57% | 14 |
| #5 | 99 problems | 48% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | 99 boobs | 47% | 15 |
| #7 | Hamuts! | 46% | 41 |
| #8 | PULSEv2 | 42% | 118 |
| #9 | Hujakshhh | 36% | 14 |
| #10 | ⁅𝕎𝕚𝕫𝕫𝕦⁆ | 28% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hamuts! | 10 | 0.0120 |
| #2 | Ardzeik | 10 | 0.0172 |
| #3 | 99 problems | 8 | 0.0268 |
| #4 | PULSEv2 | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | STRATBOY | 4 | 0.0068 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PULSEv2 | 254 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | Hujakshhh | 51 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #3 | Meitene Zeltene | 35 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | Hamuts! | 23 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #5 | 99 boobs | 20 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ardzeik | +3.06 | 30 | 34 |
| #2 | Qu1eT | +2.77 | 83 | 62 |
| #3 | 99 problems | +0.99 | 73 | 35 |
| #4 | STRATBOY | -1.03 | 39 | 34 |
| #5 | Meitene Zeltene | -1.43 | 18 | 70 |





