








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 365 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 228 matches | ||
| Wingman | 21 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2991 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,245 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1272 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1656 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2107 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1210 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,499,796 of utility $230 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 173 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jazzycakes | 67% | 61 |
| #2 | Mr. Goblin | 61% | 31 |
| #3 | Himsó | 59% | 44 |
| #4 | DeV1Ce | 58% | 36 |
| #5 | eggiFUNCTION- | 57% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Slogi | 48% | 21 |
| #11 | Sigurdur | 48% | 40 |
| #12 | Drekzler | 47% | 17 |
| #13 | Hazard | 45% | 40 |
| #14 | -SoDY- | 41% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -SoDY- | 5 | 0.0150 |
| #2 | Himsó | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Hazard | 2 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | eggiFUNCTION- | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | DeV1Ce | 2 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jazzycakes | 182 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #2 | Himsó | 168 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #3 | Sigurdur | 159 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #4 | Hazard | 110 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #5 | Andri`` | 86 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eggiFUNCTION- | +3.99 | 83 | 61 |
| #2 | DeV1Ce | +2.38 | 87 | 42 |
| #3 | Andri`` | +2.04 | 73 | 81 |
| #4 | Hazard | +1.72 | 73 | 62 |
| #5 | Sigurdur | +1.61 | 73 | 53 |





