








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 226 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 53 matches | ||
| Wingman | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1830 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,065 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1305 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1797 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1623 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1340 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $387,117 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 608 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sunshine | 59% | 46 |
| #2 | WAX | DeathByCodie | 57% | 53 |
| #3 | WAX | Zoidberg | 55% | 20 |
| #4 | Buzz | 52% | 29 |
| #5 | Pacswam | 50% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Buzz | 52% | 29 |
| #5 | Pacswam | 50% | 14 |
| #6 | zero | 45% | 29 |
| #7 | <3 Rea Rea <3 | 45% | 29 |
| #8 | Veritas | 36% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sunshine | 4 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | Buzz | 4 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | WAX | Zoidberg | 4 | 0.0092 |
| #4 | zero | 3 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | WAX | DeathByCodie | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sunshine | 91 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #2 | Buzz | 83 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #3 | <3 Rea Rea <3 | 74 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | Veritas | 64 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #5 | zero | 56 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Buzz | +7.02 | 93 | 43 |
| #2 | Pacswam | +6.73 | 73 | 72 |
| #3 | Veritas | +1.21 | 54 | 54 |
| #4 | <3 Rea Rea <3 | +0.87 | 56 | 53 |
| #5 | Penis | +0.49 | 44 | 52 |





