








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 234 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 262 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4918 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,717 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1551 | 16% |
| Smokes | 3277 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 2663 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2226 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $626,064 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 374 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | JuanTap_Cabana | 45% | 33 |
| #8 | Lazy Titan | 44% | 205 |
| #9 | neophyte78 | 41% | 169 |
| #10 | ScreaM [LeftOut] | 34% | 117 |
| #11 | ThatSass | 30% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ScreaM [LeftOut] | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | neophyte78 | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Lazy Titan | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | NC_Protocol | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Zotar | 2 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NC_Protocol | 237 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #2 | Krozzie | 191 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #3 | Lazy Titan | 181 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | kerrie | 110 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | neophyte78 | 107 | 0.03 | 3 min |





