








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 70 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
958 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,355 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1140 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1316 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1299 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 600 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $277,145 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 74 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Lazy Titan | 45% | 85 |
| #8 | Zotar | 38% | 39 |
| #9 | neophyte78 | 38% | 63 |
| #10 | ScreaM [LeftOut] | 36% | 44 |
| #11 | SlightlyToTheDog | 24% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pistol Pete | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | ScreaM [LeftOut] | 4 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | neophyte78 | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Lazy Titan | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Krozzie | 2 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pistol Pete | 121 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #2 | Lazy Titan | 85 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | Krozzie | 84 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | JuanTap_Cabana | 64 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | neophyte78 | 39 | 0.03 | 1 min |





