








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1413 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 564 matches | ||
| Wingman | 94 matches | ||
| Premier | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




59 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8255 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 35,145 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10724 | 31% |
| Smokes | 8333 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 8720 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 7368 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,197,168 of utility $72 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 526 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | skitz | 65% | 65 |
| #2 | MRB0MBPLANT | 62% | 71 |
| #3 | ^Thorn | 61% | 51 |
| #4 | Felix | 59% | 73 |
| #5 | Cronus | 57% | 88 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cronus | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | booty clap | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | MRB0MBPLANT | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | skitz | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | Felix | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MRB0MBPLANT | 339 | 0.21 | 8 min |
| #2 | Cronus | 323 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #3 | ^Thorn | 233 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #4 | booty clap | 161 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #5 | Felix | 136 | 0.10 | 3 min |





