










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1622 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,332 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 513 | 22% |
| Smokes | 683 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 620 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 516 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $418,285 of utility $167 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | トラビス | 62% | 45 |
| #2 | Not Gabe | 57% | 14 |
| #3 | TODD | 49% | 51 |
| #4 | Not Netanyahu | 42% | 53 |
| #5 | Jihad Joe | 37% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | トラビス | 62% | 45 |
| #2 | Not Gabe | 57% | 14 |
| #3 | TODD | 49% | 51 |
| #4 | Not Netanyahu | 42% | 53 |
| #5 | Jihad Joe | 37% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TODD | 5 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | Jihad Joe | 4 | 0.0107 |
| #3 | Not Netanyahu | 3 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | トラビス | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Not Gabe | 1 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TODD | 68 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #2 | Jihad Joe | 52 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #3 | トラビス | 46 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | Not Netanyahu | 14 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #5 | Not Gabe | 10 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Not Gabe | +4.06 | 72 | 46 |
| #2 | counterspelled | +3.54 | 63 | 51 |
| #3 | トラビス | +0.79 | 28 | 17 |
| #4 | Jihad Joe | +0.05 | 62 | 47 |
| #5 | TODD | -4.20 | 16 | 31 |





