








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 326 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 433 matches | ||
| Wingman | 109 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




74 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2729 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,887 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2164 | 27% |
| Smokes | 352 | 4% |
| HE Grenades | 3611 | 46% |
| Molotovs | 1760 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $569,188 of utility $48 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 338 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 21 | 50% | 305 |
| #2 | RMA.JOHNSON | 50% | 357 |
| #3 | ElGasman | 48% | 114 |
| #4 | I goon to Lewis Hamilton | 47% | 32 |
| #5 | DSQ Gresso | 45% | 154 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | RMA.JOHNSON | 50% | 357 |
| #3 | ElGasman | 48% | 114 |
| #4 | I goon to Lewis Hamilton | 47% | 32 |
| #5 | DSQ Gresso | 45% | 154 |
| #6 | I goon to Ryan Gosling | 39% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 21 | 59 | 0.0094 |
| #2 | DSQ Gresso | 42 | 0.0154 |
| #3 | RMA.JOHNSON | 37 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | ElGasman | 23 | 0.0097 |
| #5 | I goon to Ryan Gosling | 5 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 21 | 648 | 0.10 | 15 min |
| #2 | I goon to Ryan Gosling | 168 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | RMA.JOHNSON | 133 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| #4 | ElGasman | 110 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | DSQ Gresso | 63 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I goon to Lewis Hamilton | +6.86 | 81 | 41 |
| #2 | DSQ Gresso | +3.53 | 43 | 22 |
| #3 | 21 | +1.61 | 39 | 46 |
| #4 | RMA.JOHNSON | +1.27 | 35 | 18 |
| #5 | ElGasman | +0.16 | 40 | 34 |





