








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 928 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 163 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 105 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5727 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,438 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4252 | 32% |
| Smokes | 3885 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2798 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2503 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,651,968 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 499 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NLSN | 61% | 28 |
| #2 | Jello | 61% | 28 |
| #3 | king benny | 57% | 229 |
| #4 | MGT | 56% | 39 |
| #5 | kushroom | 55% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | kushroom | 55% | 51 |
| #6 | sofi | 54% | 28 |
| #7 | ReClaim | 54% | 84 |
| #8 | washed little piss baby | 51% | 65 |
| #9 | Garlicshale | 46% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ReClaim | 29 | 0.0166 |
| #2 | king benny | 26 | 0.0057 |
| #3 | Jello | 17 | 0.0323 |
| #4 | Garlicshale | 15 | 0.0122 |
| #5 | MGT | 10 | 0.0132 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | king benny | 318 | 0.07 | 8 min |
| #2 | Jello | 106 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #3 | ReClaim | 104 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | Garlicshale | 76 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | washed little piss baby | 64 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jello | +4.40 | 91 | 69 |
| #2 | MGT | +3.58 | 83 | 64 |
| #3 | king benny | +1.49 | 78 | 65 |
| #4 | BOB | +0.67 | 81 | 59 |
| #5 | NLSN | +0.24 | 71 | 52 |





