








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 271 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 290 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 47 matches | ||
| Faceit | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5427 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,528 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3573 | 26% |
| Smokes | 3898 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2861 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3196 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,551,009 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1160 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cricks | 94% | 33 |
| #2 | beastcat | 81% | 31 |
| #3 | 7am | 79% | 63 |
| #4 | Sava9e | 75% | 24 |
| #5 | Pathetic Jon | 73% | 93 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Sava9e | 75% | 24 |
| #5 | Pathetic Jon | 73% | 93 |
| #6 | dmo | 69% | 59 |
| #7 | Thriller | 69% | 32 |
| #8 | poker | 66% | 118 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pathetic Jon | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | poker | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Thriller | 2 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | 7am | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | beastcat | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | poker | 383 | 0.16 | 12 min |
| #2 | Pathetic Jon | 356 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #3 | dmo | 219 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #4 | cricks | 148 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #5 | 7am | 141 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Acinic | +3.93 | 92 | 64 |
| #2 | 7am | +3.29 | 83 | 55 |
| #3 | Pathetic Jon | +2.35 | 76 | 65 |
| #4 | beastcat | +2.20 | 86 | 55 |
| #5 | Sava9e | +1.42 | 74 | 79 |





