








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 56 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 115 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1003 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,961 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 794 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1537 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1115 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1515 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $388,613 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 225 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | azure | 60% | 10 |
| #3 | Gonzo | 46% | 13 |
| #4 | cKoL# | 45% | 66 |
| #5 | egoist | 43% | 30 |
| #6 | Homo Faber | 42% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Homo Faber | 3 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cKoL# | 222 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #2 | egoist | 93 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #3 | Homo Faber | 76 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | Gonzo | 45 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | azure | 33 | 0.16 | 1 min |





