








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 923 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1135 matches | ||
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Renown | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 58 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




58 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10028 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 35,175 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5278 | 15% |
| Smokes | 8514 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 12549 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 8834 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,831,171 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 674 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 'tktz_ | 57% | 93 |
| #2 | Tom_a_Hawk | 56% | 118 |
| #3 | corazoN | 55% | 74 |
| #4 | Bear | 55% | 153 |
| #5 | HungryM4x | 50% | 292 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | mercuryclixx | 48% | 168 |
| #9 | DerJanz | 47% | 95 |
| #10 | MAXINES EIER ZITTERN!!!! | 47% | 205 |
| #11 | M$@! | 46% | 313 |
| #12 | Desrovety | 41% | 110 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MAXINES EIER ZITTERN!!!! | 19 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | DerJanz | 18 | 0.0087 |
| #3 | mercuryclixx | 17 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | HungryM4x | 13 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Desrovety | 13 | 0.0055 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mercuryclixx | 447 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #2 | DerJanz | 356 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #3 | M$@! | 255 | 0.04 | 6 min |
| #4 | $crim | 188 | 0.03 | 5 min |
| #5 | Desrovety | 131 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | M$@! | +1.90 | 81 | 53 |
| #2 | MAXINES EIER ZITTERN!!!! | +1.29 | 76 | 22 |
| #3 | BNZ | +0.85 | 69 | 59 |
| #4 | $crim | +0.54 | 83 | 52 |
| #5 | mercuryclixx | +0.23 | 70 | 52 |





