








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1 achievement has been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
181 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 606 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 131 | 22% |
| Smokes | 164 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 167 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 144 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $80,282 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | key jingler | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | Lloyd | 60% | 20 |
| #3 | Kanine Beowulf | 50% | 10 |
| #4 | Brando™ | 45% | 20 |
| #5 | glaZ | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lloyd | 4 | 0.0102 |
| #2 | Brando™ | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Kanine Beowulf | 1 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | glaZ | 74 | 0.29 | 1 min |
| #2 | Brando™ | 72 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #3 | Lloyd | 67 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #4 | Kanine Beowulf | 29 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | key jingler | 22 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | glaZ | +4.18 | 81 | 69 |
| #2 | Lloyd | +3.20 | 52 | 60 |
| #3 | Kanine Beowulf | +1.18 | 48 | 62 |
| #4 | idkcatto | -2.37 | 49 | 60 |
| #5 | Brando™ | -2.72 | 35 | 56 |





