










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
565 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 979 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 433 | 44% |
| Smokes | 232 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 107 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 207 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $66,377 of utility $31 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 107 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [CIG] MSTRNBN | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | Slenderman | 35% | 52 |
| #3 | gabesz6 | 28% | 53 |
| #4 | Напoлеон Бонапарт | 24% | 25 |
| #5 | Wishes Gandalf | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [CIG] MSTRNBN | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | Slenderman | 35% | 52 |
| #3 | gabesz6 | 28% | 53 |
| #4 | Напoлеон Бонапарт | 24% | 25 |
| #5 | Wishes Gandalf | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wishes Gandalf | 5 | 0.0325 |
| #2 | Slenderman | 4 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | [CIG] MSTRNBN | 3 | 0.0100 |
| #4 | gabesz6 | 2 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Напoлеон Бонапарт | 160 | 0.34 | 4 min |
| #2 | gabesz6 | 137 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | Slenderman | 130 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | [CIG] MSTRNBN | 23 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #5 | Wishes Gandalf | 9 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wishes Gandalf | +1.77 | 68 | 58 |
| #2 | Напoлеон Бонапарт | +0.95 | 12 | 56 |
| #3 | [CIG] MSTRNBN | -0.19 | 7 | 59 |
| #4 | gabesz6 | -0.21 | 77 | 51 |
| #5 | Slenderman | -1.70 | 32 | 58 |





