








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2057 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 271 matches | ||
| Faceit | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5069 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,514 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2811 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2069 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1317 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 2317 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,432,733 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2226 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | +jump | 84% | 70 |
| #2 | NAH | 76% | 42 |
| #3 | ozzie | 68% | 71 |
| #4 | seto | 67% | 208 |
| #5 | Edith Puthee | 62% | 148 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | sex pistol | 62% | 47 |
| #7 | 「 - Æ𝙫 - 」 | 60% | 53 |
| #8 | tjr's disciple | 60% | 183 |
| #9 | KB | 56% | 41 |
| #10 | BenTheBlaster18 | 46% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tjr's disciple | 30 | 0.0080 |
| #2 | Edith Puthee | 17 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | KB | 9 | 0.0106 |
| #4 | seto | 8 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | BenTheBlaster18 | 5 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | seto | 993 | 0.24 | 24 min |
| #2 | tjr's disciple | 519 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #3 | Edith Puthee | 245 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #4 | ozzie | 199 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | NAH | 172 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mzry | +3.65 | 81 | 57 |
| #2 | 「 - Æ𝙫 - 」 | +3.28 | 84 | 57 |
| #3 | sex pistol | +1.70 | 86 | 52 |
| #4 | +jump | +1.28 | 80 | 53 |
| #5 | ozzie | +1.12 | 81 | 61 |





