








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 456 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 168 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2067 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,931 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2196 | 37% |
| Smokes | 1213 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 1907 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 615 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $978,687 of utility $181 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2097 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NAH | 73% | 30 |
| #2 | seto | 68% | 93 |
| #3 | yescries | 64% | 14 |
| #4 | ozzie | 60% | 25 |
| #5 | +jump | 60% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | mzry | 60% | 183 |
| #7 | 「 - Æ𝙫 - 」 | 59% | 17 |
| #8 | Edith Puthee | 57% | 81 |
| #9 | sex pistol | 50% | 46 |
| #10 | KB | 42% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mzry | 28 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | KB | 10 | 0.0143 |
| #3 | seto | 8 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | Edith Puthee | 8 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | sex pistol | 4 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | seto | 396 | 0.22 | 10 min |
| #2 | mzry | 364 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #3 | Edith Puthee | 126 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | NAH | 107 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #5 | KB | 100 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mzry | +4.68 | 83 | 56 |
| #2 | ozzie | +2.55 | 86 | 49 |
| #3 | sex pistol | +1.45 | 84 | 53 |
| #4 | 「 - Æ𝙫 - 」 | +1.40 | 85 | 59 |
| #5 | +jump | +1.21 | 81 | 46 |





