








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1018 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 184 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




122 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4477 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,001 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2983 | 37% |
| Smokes | 1349 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 2410 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1259 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,250,383 of utility $225 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 84 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Dough Son | 48% | 31 |
| #5 | Toilet Is Peaceful | 34% | 82 |
| #6 | Phantasmoon | 19% | 26 |
| #7 | zero impact creature | 12% | 25 |
| #8 | lil gyu | 7% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Toilet Is Peaceful | 80 | 0.0498 |
| #2 | Phantasmoon | 24 | 0.0456 |
| #3 | zero impact creature | 17 | 0.0395 |
| #4 | lil gyu | 7 | 0.0208 |
| #5 | tortel | 2 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Toilet Is Peaceful | 721 | 0.45 | 5 min |
| #2 | Phantasmoon | 337 | 0.64 | 3 min |
| #3 | tortel | 152 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #4 | Phyzical | 126 | 0.28 | 3 min |
| #5 | zero impact creature | 98 | 0.23 | 2 min |





