








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 533 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 579 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




45 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7265 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 30,271 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8699 | 29% |
| Smokes | 7831 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 6605 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 7136 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,600,167 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1809 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Berzerk | 57% | 56 |
| #2 | GlizzyGoat | 57% | 37 |
| #3 | 3D women olny bring pain | 55% | 125 |
| #4 | Huuntar | 51% | 76 |
| #5 | Lava Bucket | 51% | 200 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tippins | 23 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Washed PvpChad | 14 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Pugpants | 6 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | 3D women olny bring pain | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | Lava Bucket | 4 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tippins | 1407 | 0.14 | 39 min |
| #2 | Washed PvpChad | 1081 | 0.12 | 30 min |
| #3 | Phuqur | 425 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #4 | Pugpants | 251 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #5 | Oni-Chan | 187 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oni-Chan | +4.76 | 86 | 64 |
| #2 | GlizzyGoat | +4.58 | 84 | 64 |
| #3 | Pugpants | +2.27 | 73 | 71 |
| #4 | 3D women olny bring pain | +2.08 | 67 | 41 |
| #5 | Berzerk | +2.02 | 72 | 57 |





