








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 258 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 164 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2728 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,436 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 508 | 15% |
| Smokes | 460 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 1171 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1297 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $758,276 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 32 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phuqur | 80% | 15 |
| #2 | Turkey Hill Tea | 55% | 125 |
| #3 | Lava Bucket | 55% | 29 |
| #4 | Tippins | 54% | 123 |
| #5 | Washed PvpChad | 49% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Lava Bucket | 55% | 29 |
| #4 | Tippins | 54% | 123 |
| #5 | Washed PvpChad | 49% | 92 |
| #6 | Pugpants | 41% | 93 |
| #7 | craigggggggggggggggggg | 41% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Turkey Hill Tea | 6 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Tippins | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | craigggggggggggggggggg | 3 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | Washed PvpChad | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | Lava Bucket | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Turkey Hill Tea | 462 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #2 | Pugpants | 373 | 0.18 | 11 min |
| #3 | Tippins | 331 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #4 | Washed PvpChad | 190 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #5 | craigggggggggggggggggg | 47 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pugpants | +2.04 | 71 | 71 |
| #2 | 3D women olny bring pain | +1.47 | 68 | 41 |
| #3 | Turkey Hill Tea | +0.87 | 67 | 68 |
| #4 | craigggggggggggggggggg | -0.45 | 63 | 49 |
| #5 | Washed PvpChad | -0.93 | 56 | 58 |





