








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 759 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
950 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,199 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1952 | 61% |
| Smokes | 238 | 7% |
| HE Grenades | 630 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 379 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $792,187 of utility $203 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ВТОРАЯ СИСЯ | 48% | 96 |
| #2 | kabakok | 43% | 37 |
| #3 | Rider | 42% | 50 |
| #4 | ТАЙСКИЙ ДИЛДА | 41% | 81 |
| #5 | Perry The Platypus | 39% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ТАЙСКАЯ СМОЛА | 12 | 0.0128 |
| #2 | ТАЙСКИЙ ДИЛДА | 9 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | Rider | 9 | 0.0094 |
| #4 | Perry The Platypus | 8 | 0.0261 |
| #5 | LORD GUZLIK | 6 | 0.0275 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ТАЙСКИЙ ДИЛДА | 292 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #2 | kabakok | 29 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #3 | ТАЙСКАЯ СМОЛА | 22 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #4 | Rider | 13 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #5 | ВТОРАЯ СИСЯ | 11 | 0.01 | 0 min |





