








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 586 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 218 matches | ||
| Wingman | 163 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




129 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4372 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,299 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 930 | 10% |
| Smokes | 2211 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3780 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 2378 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,387,138 of utility $181 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 37 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 0wnz | 51% | 43 |
| #2 | kabakok | 49% | 151 |
| #3 | Тайский Фейк | 49% | 37 |
| #4 | LORD GUZLIK | 48% | 226 |
| #5 | Rider | 46% | 126 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LORD GUZLIK | 58 | 0.0131 |
| #2 | Perry The Platypus | 44 | 0.0109 |
| #3 | kabakok | 37 | 0.0130 |
| #4 | ТАЙСКИЙ ДИЛДА | 26 | 0.0124 |
| #5 | okkkooka | 22 | 0.0117 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LORD GUZLIK | 531 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #2 | ТАЙСКИЙ ДИЛДА | 359 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #3 | kabakok | 202 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #4 | okkkooka | 150 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | tutama | 125 | 0.14 | 2 min |





