








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 493 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 612 matches | ||
| Premier | 132 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6354 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,209 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7741 | 27% |
| Smokes | 8737 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 5433 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 7298 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,662,799 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 780 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | n0fisch.de | 64% | 64 |
| #2 | Blob + Vildhjorten = sex | 62% | 42 |
| #3 | þeis | 54% | 262 |
| #4 | English | 54% | 493 |
| #5 | 123 | 54% | 340 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Ozzy | 52% | 446 |
| #8 | GENERALNADE | 51% | 344 |
| #9 | Jones | 50% | 205 |
| #10 | d1NCE | 46% | 41 |
| #11 | TurboTorben! | 46% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | English | 12 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | Ozzy | 6 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | TurboTorben! | 5 | 0.0056 |
| #4 | GENERALNADE | 3 | 0.0004 |
| #5 | 123 | 2 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [114] :) | 1298 | 0.13 | 39 min |
| #2 | GENERALNADE | 1046 | 0.14 | 29 min |
| #3 | Ozzy | 999 | 0.10 | 27 min |
| #4 | 123 | 716 | 0.09 | 20 min |
| #5 | þeis | 555 | 0.10 | 13 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [114] :) | +1.56 | 83 | 71 |
| #2 | Ozzy | +0.57 | 68 | 67 |
| #3 | 123 | +0.52 | 65 | 71 |
| #4 | d1NCE | +0.24 | 84 | 62 |
| #5 | English | +0.17 | 65 | 59 |





