








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 94 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 247 matches | ||
| Premier | 123 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3448 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,108 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3877 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4386 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2955 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3890 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,323,975 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 396 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | n0fisch.de | 69% | 29 |
| #2 | riccflair | 51% | 344 |
| #3 | Ozzy | 51% | 231 |
| #4 | 123 | 51% | 83 |
| #5 | English | 50% | 227 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | [114] :) | 49% | 175 |
| #7 | TheRealAdamBaker | 48% | 25 |
| #8 | TurboTorben! | 48% | 23 |
| #9 | þeis | 44% | 57 |
| #10 | Jones | 34% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | riccflair | 7 | 0.0009 |
| #2 | English | 6 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Ozzy | 4 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Jones | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | TurboTorben! | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | riccflair | 894 | 0.12 | 26 min |
| #2 | Ozzy | 495 | 0.10 | 12 min |
| #3 | [114] :) | 428 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #4 | English | 223 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #5 | 123 | 153 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [114] :) | +1.38 | 83 | 72 |
| #2 | 123 | +0.63 | 61 | 70 |
| #3 | Ozzy | +0.40 | 68 | 66 |
| #4 | TurboTorben! | +0.28 | 65 | 64 |
| #5 | English | +0.09 | 65 | 59 |





