








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 321 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1169 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,229 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 791 | 35% |
| Smokes | 493 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 477 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 468 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $320,949 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 168 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teurastaja | 70% | 54 |
| #2 | FIRE IN THE HOLE | 69% | 13 |
| #3 | BanjowizMan | 68% | 19 |
| #4 | CrackheadJermuツ | 67% | 15 |
| #5 | Volkswagen Golf mk4 Variant 1.6 | 63% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | ✪T-I-N✪ Rovion Radio | 50% | 8 |
| #7 | Akame 萎医意 | | 45% | 20 |
| #8 | sanez =D | 40% | 5 |
| #9 | saatanan nisti | 20% | 5 |
| #10 | joderi;) | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CrackheadJermuツ | 5 | 0.0162 |
| #2 | Akame 萎医意 | | 4 | 0.0106 |
| #3 | Teurastaja | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | BanjowizMan | 1 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | Volkswagen Golf mk4 Variant 1.6 | 1 | 0.0064 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teurastaja | 102 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #2 | FIRE IN THE HOLE | 57 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #3 | Akame 萎医意 | | 29 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #4 | sanez =D | 28 | 0.26 | 1 min |
| #5 | BanjowizMan | 26 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Volkswagen Golf mk4 Variant 1.6 | +3.94 | 92 | 50 |
| #2 | Matti | +2.38 | 93 | 57 |
| #3 | BanjowizMan | +0.31 | 56 | 28 |
| #4 | Teurastaja | -0.83 | 78 | 47 |
| #5 | CrackheadJermuツ | -1.40 | 59 | 34 |





