








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
453 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 655 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 239 | 36% |
| Smokes | 136 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 122 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 158 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $70,395 of utility $99 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jabiii | 100% | 5 |
| #2 | sanez =D | 75% | 8 |
| #3 | Teurastaja | 67% | 6 |
| #4 | Työnjohtaja | 67% | 9 |
| #5 | Matti | 63% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Antaa vaa sitä n-pommia<3 | 62% | 13 |
| #7 | Maijane | 50% | 10 |
| #8 | FIRE IN THE HOLE | 50% | 16 |
| #9 | Smide<3 | 50% | 18 |
| #10 | ELS | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Antaa vaa sitä n-pommia<3 | 7 | 0.0275 |
| #2 | Smide<3 | 5 | 0.0138 |
| #3 | FIRE IN THE HOLE | 4 | 0.0122 |
| #4 | Työnjohtaja | 1 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | sanez =D | 1 | 0.0057 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smide<3 | 102 | 0.28 | 1 min |
| #2 | FIRE IN THE HOLE | 95 | 0.29 | 2 min |
| #3 | Antaa vaa sitä n-pommia<3 | 57 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #4 | sanez =D | 35 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #5 | Työnjohtaja | 33 | 0.18 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jabiii | +4.60 | 74 | 64 |
| #2 | Antaa vaa sitä n-pommia<3 | +3.28 | 61 | 47 |
| #3 | Volkswagen Golf mk4 Variant 1.6 | +1.97 | 77 | 42 |
| #4 | Smide<3 | +1.25 | 71 | 43 |
| #5 | Matti | +0.93 | 92 | 56 |





