








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 61 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 156 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 66 matches | ||
| Wingman | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




82 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2922 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,300 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2344 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2273 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3198 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2485 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $603,360 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ★Pap$ | 53 | 0.0266 |
| #2 | juiceman | 48 | 0.0173 |
| #3 | Monsieur Noirval | 33 | 0.0259 |
| #4 | elofen | 20 | 0.0063 |
| #5 | Klas | 18 | 0.0183 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | juiceman | 715 | 0.26 | 15 min |
| #2 | elofen | 597 | 0.19 | 14 min |
| #3 | ★Pap$ | 547 | 0.27 | 12 min |
| #4 | Monsieur Noirval | 314 | 0.25 | 7 min |
| #5 | Gneger | 228 | 0.15 | 4 min |





