








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 590 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 221 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2454 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,947 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2834 | 48% |
| Smokes | 297 | 5% |
| HE Grenades | 1402 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1414 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $328,349 of utility $52 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 564 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bella | 59% | 17 |
| #2 | SyNc <3 | 44% | 16 |
| #3 | Typical | 43% | 177 |
| #4 | Captain Wice | 42% | 36 |
| #5 | ๐ช๐ช๐ช๓ ณ.โงโง Cobra | 36% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Typical | 43% | 177 |
| #4 | Captain Wice | 42% | 36 |
| #5 | ๐ช๐ช๐ช๓ ณ.โงโง Cobra | 36% | 28 |
| #6 | <3 XoXo Squishy <3 | 36% | 28 |
| #7 | ๐๐ปโฎ๐ผ๐ฝ๐ | 35% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Typical | 19 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | ๐ช๐ช๐ช๓ ณ.โงโง Cobra | 14 | 0.0246 |
| #3 | Captain Wice | 8 | 0.0108 |
| #4 | ๐๐ปโฎ๐ผ๐ฝ๐ | 5 | 0.0052 |
| #5 | Bella | 2 | 0.0061 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Typical | 401 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #2 | Captain Wice | 146 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #3 | ๐๐ปโฎ๐ผ๐ฝ๐ | 63 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | ๐ช๐ช๐ช๓ ณ.โงโง Cobra | 60 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | SyNc <3 | 48 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | <3 XoXo Squishy <3 | +3.68 | 69 | 40 |
| #2 | SyNc <3 | +3.62 | 83 | 40 |
| #3 | ๐ช๐ช๐ช๓ ณ.โงโง Cobra | +2.39 | 60 | 60 |
| #4 | Captain Wice | +1.91 | 29 | 49 |
| #5 | ๐ฏ๐๐๐๐ | +1.07 | 67 | 51 |





