








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1504 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 948 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 157 matches | ||
| Faceit | 139 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
13910 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,842 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4448 | 17% |
| Smokes | 7804 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 8350 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 6240 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $5,872,787 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 86 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JoeDirt69 | 75 | 0.0087 |
| #2 | MallowSkat | 29 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | OldStNick | 8 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | DanYeeT | 7 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | kait | 6 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MallowSkat | 5087 | 0.20 | 120 min |
| #2 | JoeDirt69 | 1396 | 0.16 | 34 min |
| #3 | OldStNick | 784 | 0.08 | 20 min |
| #4 | kait | 658 | 0.04 | 14 min |
| #5 | Parvo | 518 | 0.24 | 9 min |





