








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 9 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1324 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,076 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1486 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1081 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1179 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1330 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $210,361 of utility $61 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MallowSkat | 6 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | mikayla777 | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | kait | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #4 | OldStNick | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | JoeDirt69 | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MallowSkat | 415 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #2 | OldStNick | 158 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #3 | kait | 111 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | JoeDirt69 | 58 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | mikayla777 | 53 | 0.02 | 1 min |





