








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 63 matches | ||
| Premier | 38 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




45 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1015 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,720 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 999 | 58% |
| Smokes | 288 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 366 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 67 | 4% |
Our logs show you have wasted $304,191 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Robert Paulson | 65% | 20 |
| #2 | king_bob | 51% | 63 |
| #3 | JEN | 50% | 74 |
| #4 | Mikker | 49% | 69 |
| #5 | Tagerbager | 45% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | king_bob | 31 | 0.0264 |
| #2 | JEN | 29 | 0.0201 |
| #3 | Mikker | 21 | 0.0164 |
| #4 | okzq | 8 | 0.0335 |
| #5 | Tagerbager | 5 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JEN | 245 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #2 | king_bob | 153 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | Tagerbager | 83 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Mikker | 67 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Robert Paulson | 48 | 0.13 | 1 min |





