








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 33 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 68 matches | ||
| Faceit | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1085 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,875 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 962 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1282 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 803 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 828 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $165,347 of utility $72 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 285 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Burgerson | 93% | 15 |
| #2 | Kestrel | 88% | 8 |
| #3 | Ch1p | 86% | 14 |
| #4 | Tarzan | 83% | 18 |
| #5 | ChefuLaPula | 57% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Kestrel | 88% | 8 |
| #3 | Ch1p | 86% | 14 |
| #4 | Tarzan | 83% | 18 |
| #5 | ChefuLaPula | 57% | 21 |
| #6 | GXT | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ChefuLaPula | 12 | 0.0288 |
| #2 | John Burgerson | 8 | 0.0267 |
| #3 | GXT | 3 | 0.0181 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Burgerson | 82 | 0.27 | 2 min |
| #2 | ChefuLaPula | 42 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | GXT | 41 | 0.25 | 1 min |
| #4 | Ch1p | 27 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Tarzan | 18 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tarzan | +3.48 | 61 | 50 |
| #2 | Ch1p | +2.08 | 59 | 59 |
| #3 | John Burgerson | +1.73 | 79 | 62 |
| #4 | chimera- | +0.70 | 66 | 55 |
| #5 | GXT | -0.04 | 52 | 52 |





