








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 88 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Wingman | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
744 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,645 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 261 | 16% |
| Smokes | 244 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 452 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 688 | 42% |
Our logs show you have wasted $81,367 of utility $28 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | glenn quagmire | 53% | 15 |
| #2 | HalalPeek GWO | 44% | 16 |
| #3 | souskrt | 44% | 32 |
| #4 | AdSick | 39% | 88 |
| #5 | eSp!n0zA g4skins | 37% | 86 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AdSick | 7 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | eSp!n0zA g4skins | 6 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | HalalPeek ChabChab | 5 | 0.0075 |
| #4 | STEWIEe | 4 | 0.0126 |
| #5 | souskrt | 3 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eSp!n0zA g4skins | 355 | 0.20 | 9 min |
| #2 | AdSick | 130 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | ♛adel♛ | 81 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #4 | souskrt | 69 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | злой#BèŖàá ツ | 65 | 0.07 | 2 min |





