








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 101 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1014 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,121 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 786 | 25% |
| Smokes | 901 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 569 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 865 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $409,590 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 166 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Soul | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | Cumburger | 63% | 19 |
| #3 | :> | 59% | 22 |
| #4 | Ken66950 | 49% | 41 |
| #5 | Eghh | 46% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eghh | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | :> | 3 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | Cumburger | 3 | 0.0079 |
| #4 | YeetgerMeister | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Ken66950 | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CHINA8964 | 191 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #2 | Rheneas | 55 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #3 | Eghh | 54 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Ken66950 | 51 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | :> | 47 | 0.11 | 1 min |





