










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 120 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
274 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 95 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 25 | 26% |
| Smokes | 29 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 19 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 22 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $41,392 of utility $67 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | i thlammed my penith | 33% | 6 |
| #9 | First Class Singularity | 32% | 25 |
| #10 | Ronkelo | 0% | 2 |
| #11 | HHMmHMhmHMhmhm | 0% | 2 |
| #12 | alluGOD | 0% | 2 |





