








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
157 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 175 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 35 | 20% |
| Smokes | 78 | 45% |
| HE Grenades | 28 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 34 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $39,707 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gucci Gandalf | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | numbnut | 43% | 21 |
| #3 | The Jizzler | 40% | 5 |
| #4 | Great Sandwiches | 28% | 18 |
| #5 | Meaty Michael | 13% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Great Sandwiches | 2 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | numbnut | 1 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Gucci Gandalf | 1 | 0.0204 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Jizzler | +4.93 | 77 | 45 |
| #2 | numbnut | +4.83 | 49 | 63 |
| #3 | HarryFeetLover311 | -2.02 | 19 | 27 |
| #4 | Great Sandwiches | -2.70 | 24 | 39 |
| #5 | Gucci Gandalf | -4.54 | 2 | 17 |





