








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 298 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 228 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3282 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,898 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2680 | 25% |
| Smokes | 4417 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 2092 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1709 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,398,421 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 86 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Great Sandwiches | 52% | 93 |
| #2 | Meaty Michael | 49% | 224 |
| #3 | The Jizzler | 47% | 221 |
| #4 | Gucci Gandalf | 46% | 164 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Great Sandwiches | 52% | 93 |
| #2 | Meaty Michael | 49% | 224 |
| #3 | The Jizzler | 47% | 221 |
| #4 | Gucci Gandalf | 46% | 164 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Meaty Michael | 20 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | The Jizzler | 14 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Gucci Gandalf | 14 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | Great Sandwiches | 8 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Jizzler | 645 | 0.15 | 15 min |
| #2 | Meaty Michael | 367 | 0.08 | 9 min |
| #3 | Gucci Gandalf | 88 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| #4 | Great Sandwiches | 63 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Jizzler | +3.92 | 58 | 55 |
| #2 | numbnut | +2.48 | 51 | 56 |
| #3 | Great Sandwiches | -0.02 | 44 | 38 |
| #4 | Gucci Gandalf | -2.94 | 18 | 23 |
| #5 | Meaty Michael | -3.79 | 18 | 41 |





