








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 432 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 197 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3780 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,501 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3392 | 32% |
| Smokes | 3435 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1789 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1885 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,313,340 of utility $181 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 820 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Meaty Michael | 48% | 165 |
| #2 | numbnut | 47% | 221 |
| #3 | Great Sandwiches | 46% | 39 |
| #4 | Gucci Gandalf | 43% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Meaty Michael | 48% | 165 |
| #2 | numbnut | 47% | 221 |
| #3 | Great Sandwiches | 46% | 39 |
| #4 | Gucci Gandalf | 43% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | numbnut | 12 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Meaty Michael | 11 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | Great Sandwiches | 8 | 0.0111 |
| #4 | Gucci Gandalf | 2 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Meaty Michael | 274 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #2 | numbnut | 273 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #3 | Gucci Gandalf | 41 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #4 | Great Sandwiches | 18 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Jizzler | +3.45 | 54 | 56 |
| #2 | numbnut | +1.21 | 48 | 56 |
| #3 | Great Sandwiches | -1.13 | 47 | 34 |
| #4 | Gucci Gandalf | -4.54 | 18 | 30 |
| #5 | Meaty Michael | -4.65 | 15 | 41 |





