








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 300 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1054 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,988 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 272 | 14% |
| Smokes | 518 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 625 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 573 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $473,491 of utility $235 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 91 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PINGU | 67% | 9 |
| #2 | Oven door | 62% | 52 |
| #3 | Wzow | 55% | 38 |
| #4 | Mothman | 54% | 81 |
| #5 | rip-a-clit | 53% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | rip-a-clit | 53% | 15 |
| #6 | davidy57 | 50% | 6 |
| #7 | DipGod | 50% | 62 |
| #8 | sybil | 47% | 47 |
| #9 | Slowzie | 38% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mothman | 9 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | sybil | 9 | 0.0095 |
| #3 | DipGod | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Oven door | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | PINGU | 1 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oven door | 155 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | sybil | 154 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | Wzow | 36 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | Mothman | 28 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | davidy57 | 17 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Haver, Sex | +3.02 | 67 | 52 |
| #2 | rip-a-clit | +1.63 | 51 | 37 |
| #3 | sybil | +0.36 | 54 | 49 |
| #4 | DipGod | -0.01 | 48 | 31 |
| #5 | Mothman | -0.25 | 24 | 42 |





