








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 876 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 245 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2394 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,899 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 454 | 8% |
| Smokes | 1617 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2075 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 1753 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,421,758 of utility $202 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 69 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HoodedShade | 54% | 35 |
| #2 | rip-a-clit | 53% | 79 |
| #3 | Oven door | 51% | 80 |
| #4 | Wzow | 51% | 84 |
| #5 | Haver, Sex | 50% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Mothman | 50% | 270 |
| #7 | sybil | 46% | 52 |
| #8 | PINGU | 43% | 30 |
| #9 | davidy57 | 42% | 19 |
| #10 | Slowzie | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mothman | 42 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | sybil | 13 | 0.0120 |
| #3 | Oven door | 6 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | rip-a-clit | 6 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | Haver, Sex | 5 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oven door | 215 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #2 | sybil | 181 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | Mothman | 145 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #4 | Wzow | 80 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | rip-a-clit | 77 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Haver, Sex | +2.54 | 65 | 51 |
| #2 | rip-a-clit | +1.78 | 54 | 36 |
| #3 | Slowzie | +1.77 | 51 | 29 |
| #4 | DipGod | +0.43 | 45 | 36 |
| #5 | Mothman | +0.22 | 29 | 49 |





