








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 162 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
957 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,079 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 777 | 25% |
| Smokes | 836 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1035 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 431 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $286,937 of utility $144 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 251 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PINGU | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | Oven door | 58% | 59 |
| #3 | Mothman | 47% | 85 |
| #4 | Haver, Sex | 47% | 47 |
| #5 | DipGod | 46% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | davidy57 | 44% | 16 |
| #7 | rip-a-clit | 43% | 23 |
| #8 | Wzow | 41% | 22 |
| #9 | HoodedShade | 38% | 13 |
| #10 | Slowzie | 0% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mothman | 17 | 0.0099 |
| #2 | Haver, Sex | 5 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | Oven door | 4 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | DipGod | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | rip-a-clit | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oven door | 152 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | Mothman | 36 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #3 | Haver, Sex | 36 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | davidy57 | 30 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Wzow | 19 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Haver, Sex | +3.79 | 75 | 54 |
| #2 | DipGod | +0.83 | 44 | 32 |
| #3 | Mothman | -0.03 | 29 | 37 |
| #4 | rip-a-clit | -0.04 | 48 | 34 |
| #5 | sybil | -0.08 | 50 | 55 |





